A Leaders Path to Self-Discovery

An executive contemplates whether to continue his entrepreneurial pursuits or go back to a successful Wall Street career.  A founding CEO realizes she must rely on untested relational skills to scale her growing technology firm.  An accomplished leader finds his chosen profession less and less engaging.

“Now What?!”

This question comes at us from many different angles.  The timing is never good.  And the question refuses to go away unanswered.

Solving for “Now What?!?” requires Self-Discovery.  We must be willing to dig into the depths of who we are and where we stand.  Introspection is scary stuff.  Examining the truth about our nature and character is risky.  We may not like what we see.  We may have to open old wounds.  The prospect of exposing our vulnerabilities or uncovering the roots of fears and insecurities can be daunting.

So why bother?

As our leadership challenges intensify, we have to summon more from within.  Additionally, market demands are changing.  The best young talent expects a deeper connection with their leaders. Authenticity and true transparency are necessary to head today’s more collaborative workplaces.  Before opening to others, we need to know our self.   

There are many means of self-examination.  An approach I recommend touches four key areas; your Inspiration, your Perspiration, Peace and Pursuit. From there, you can hone in on the big question: Who am I? 

Here are a series of questions in each segment to help you in the introspection process.

What inspires you? What ignites your passion most?  What are your primary drivers? If everything in life went according to your plan, where would you be in 10 years?  What would your life look like?

What are your biggest fears in life? What’s the root of those fears? What are your greatest insecurities? Uncertainties? Anxieties? What causes the most stress? Why? What vulnerability are you least comfortable exposing? To whom? Why?

What does ‘being at peace’ mean to you? How much do you want that? How does peace differ from happiness? What brings joy to you? What do you appreciate most in your life?  Which of your strengths or gifts are you most grateful?  What will make you truly content?

What are your greatest longings? Your highest ambitions? What achievements remain most alluring to you? Why? What will these deliver? What sacrifices must you make to get there? Why is that worth the pursuit?

We can examine "Who am I?" from multiple perspectives; Identification and Validation (see this blog).

For Identity - How do you define yourself? By career accomplishments? Professional expertise or title? Do you identify yourself as a Leader? Good spouse or parent? Community Activist? Is who you are today the legacy you aspire to? If not, who do you wish to become?

For Validation - Where do you stand? Have you made it? Do you count? Are you worthy? More importantly, who is measuring, what are the standards and how will you know when you've gotten there?

Self-Discovery requires rigorous thought.  These questions are not easy to answer. They need to be explored from multiple perspectives. The process can’t be rushed.

So what’s the best approach?  Block out some time alone.  Find a secluded place. Turn off your phone and emails.  Quiet all the voices in your head.  Let you mind be still.  Disengage. Then walk through the questions slowly and deliberately.  Write down your viewpoints no matter how outlandish or embarrassing.  The answers are for you.

When finished, a clearer picture emerges.  Our outlook will be refreshed.  A new sense of hope will arise.  With a broader perspective, some anxieties and fears will seem trivial.  Other dreams and desires will be vitally important.  We will chase fulfillment over achievement.  We will realize satisfaction is more rewarding than success.  We won’t settle for happiness when joy is possible.

With a deep understanding of who we are, we will lead with greater confidence and conviction.  We will see ourselves as catalysts not simply commanders.  We will inspire and enable.  We will appreciate the wisdom of investing in others rather than serving ourselves.

Most importantly, when we complete the journey of Self-Discovery, we will have clarity and focus on what matters most.

Have fun!!

A Sample of Self-Discovery: My Story

“Is this all there is?!”

Sitting in my swank office overlooking the Statue of Liberty, I was nagged by this question. 

All my effort and sacrifice had paid off with a recent promotion. I had arrived.  Yet before the new office smell had worn off, I was wondering what was next.  And I could not shake the profound sense of emptiness.

It was early in my career, yet I exceeded many of my goals.  I successfully climbed the ladder of a top financial services company.  My new post as General Manager with a sizable staff had the eye of senior management.  This was the type of position I dreamed of while sweating through B-school exams, late nights in the office, endless flights in a cramped seat and tedious events sucking up to clients. This was my “in your face” to all those who never thought I’d make it.

“What’s the point?”

Ahhhh!!  I was supposed to be happy.  I was supposed to be satisfied.  

Van Gogh

Instead, I was more anxious than ever.  I stressed about staying ahead of the pack.  The fear of being exposed as incompetent never left.  My work performance still fed my sense of self-worth.  No promotion or title or glad-handing from executives quenched my thirst for affirmation and approval.

My grand plan for schooling and career did not deliver!  How was that possible? I followed the script and achieved success.  I was a "good guy" who worked hard and kept my nose clean. I even flossed regularly.

"Where did I go wrong?"

I was flustered and at a loss. Everything seemed so meaningless and hollow.  So did I.  Looking in the mirror, I saw a puppet, not a person. I had become a two-dimensional cardboard cut-out saying the right things and acting according to convention.  I could articulate the reputation I was creating but not the foundation of which I stood.  I could tell you who I wanted to be like, but not who I really was.

"Who am I?" 

Almost overnight, the void inside me became a vortex.  My zest for achievement wore off.  My passion faded.  Then doubt crept in.  My confidence was shaken.  On the outside, I acted cool.  On the inside, an emotional cancer spread.  No business school classes or executive training had prepared me for this inner turmoil.

Seeking help was out of the question.  Therapy was for defects, spirituality for wimps.  I had to handle this on my own.  Internalize the angst.  Bottle up the emotions or just ignore them entirely. 

Gormley Man

Isolation came naturally.  Feelings and fears are not discussion topics on the golf course, across the poker table or around the barbecue.  No chance I was going to appear weak or pathetic.  So, I chose to suffer in solitude.  Fact was, I didn’t have a single friend I trusted with my true emotions.

Staring into the abyss, I felt completely alone.

“Now What!?!”

Sound familiar? My situation is not so unique. In fact, it’s more common than one thinks.  I wasn’t sure where to turn or what to do next.

Fortunately, I met some folks who had walked the Self-discovery path before me.  Their lives were not perfect but they had something I desperately wanted - a sense of peace.

And so, I embarked on some introspection.  It was not a journey I wanted to do, rather one I had to do.  Self-discovery begins with a commitment to explore who we truly are - all our gifts and advantages as well as our foibles and failures. What do we stand for?  What are we unwilling to compromise? What is the point of our work? What is the legacy we are trying to build?

Though change doesn’t happen overnight, the transformation I experienced was dramatic.  I am still competitive and passionate, but my perspectives are different.  I consider advancing others before myself.  Priorities and choices are better aligned with who I am and what I do well. 

Grounded by clear core values and a belief in God’s sovereignty, I am confident in where I stand.  I don’t feel compelled to prove myself or seek the validation and affirming of others.  

Self-Discovery doesn’t make us invincible, just more confident.  Sure I still have stress and worries, but they don’t keep me up at night.  Grounded in strong principles and a clear purpose, I generate more meaning from my work.

And I am not going it alone.  I am now comfortable enough in my own skin to be vulnerable with others.  More openness and authenticity creates better relationships in all aspects of my work, home and community life. 

I still have much to strive for, many goals unattained.  Though the pursuit is rigorous, I feel truly content.  And it all started with a little self-reflection.

So if you are struggling with “Now What?!?”, give Self-discovery a go.

How to Answer "Now What?!?"

So we have achieved success. 

Perhaps we climbed the ladder at our firm.  We launched a start-up or our own fund.  We attained some recognition in the market as an expert.  As a result of these accomplishments, we now have many of the personal accouterments we always desired; a beautiful family, nice home and a fat bank account enabling loads of leisure activities.

Its all good, right?

No exactly.  We still struggle with anxiety.  We remain restless.  We can’t shake the nagging sense of emptiness.

“Now What?!?”

The source of these emotions is a mystery.  We don’t know how to find the antidote.   We feel adrift, uncertain where to turn or who to speak with.  Are we the only ones feeling this way?

“Now What?!?”

Careers are a journey.  Along the way, we experience plenty of twists and turns, some planned and some not.  Occasionally, we need to stop and assess where we’ve been and where we stand. 

Taking the next step is hard if we don’t have our bearings on the Destination.  Without guide posts, navigating through lots of options can land us in a ditch.  And we want to be sure we have enough drive to reach the finish.

Having traveled the Self-Discovery path with many executives and leaders, I’ve found a few important steps:

•       Articulate the Purpose for your work. (the Destination)
•       Define your Core Values  (the Guidelines) 
•       Identify your Strengths and Engagement Drivers  (the Engine)
•       Determine your primary Motivators (the Fuel)

Purpose:

The Purpose for our work helps establish our Destination.  Purpose is the point of our career, the reason for our work and the impact to we wish to make.

To be as successful as we have become, we have been blessed with great skills and abilities. A Purpose defines how we will use these gifts to benefit something larger than ourselves. If you’re struggling with a lack of meaning, it’s likely your Purpose is either undefined or simply too small.

Here are some questions to help define the Purpose of your work:  Do you want to build something lasting? Do you want to disrupt the status quo? Do you want to initiate change? Do you want to solve important problems? Do you want to stand up against injustice? Do you want to make people’s lives better? Do you want to invest in others? Do you want to inspire the next generation?  Do you want to be a role model? Do you want to advance a struggling community?

Core Values

Core Values define what we stand for and what we are unwilling to compromise. They serve as guidelines keeping us on course to our destination.  We discussed Core Values in this blog post .

Strengths and Engagement Drivers:

We lead best when we operate out of our strengths.  Understanding how we are gifted will generate more confidence in our leadership approach.  Leadership 360 reviews are excellent sources of input.  StrengthFinders by Gallup is a quick and insightful tool I often use with clients. 

High Engagement is essential to strong leadership.   Yet many executives find their level of Engagement waning.  Their heart is not engrossed in their work as it once was.  So, what is the cause?  Extended success can generate routine at work. 

The frenetic nature of a C-level role may force us away from those aspects of our craft we love most.  Others find their days reduced to meeting after meeting, fire after fire. Without engagement, leaders are no longer thriving at work, merely surviving.

The drivers of Engagement are those aspects of work that energize us most. They are the areas we are most passion about, the activities we want to tackle head on.  Are you excited when creating a new vision or strategy? Implementing a new idea?  Filling a market need? Wrestling with an intellectual challenge?  Solving complex business puzzles? Initiating organizational change? Teaching others?  Nurturing talent? 

In contrast, the engagement detractors are the things that frustrate and drain us. The tasks we try most to avoid.

While we can’t spend all our time on engagement drivers nor completely eliminate detractors, we can determine how to spend more time on the parts of work that engage us most.  To do so, may require hiring or developing those around us and delegating certain tasks to them.

Motivators

As we reviewed in this blog post, our Motivators can be both externally driven (Extrinsic) or internally driven (Intrinsic).

Taking the time to carefully consider our Purpose, Core Values, Engagement Drivers and Motivators will help us to tackle the question of “Now What?!?”.  In the coming weeks, we will walk through the Self-Discovery process and the impact it can have on your professional and personal life.